The Lonely Whine of the Top Dog

Consider, for a moment, the topic of loneliness. It's a big topic. Especially among leaders.

Years ago, a man named Chuck Swindoll wrote an insightful booklet called The Lonely Whine of the Top Dog. In it, he pointed out that all too often, leaders can find themselves strangely lonely, even while surrounded by others.

I should say here, tangentially, that many who are not leaders are also battling loneliness during this unique moment in time. If you Google "Is loneliness an epidemic?," the first three sources you'll find, from Harvard, the U.S. Government, and the New York Times, all say yes.

Due to COVID, the increasing isolation many feel in these uncertain times, and strangely (at least in part) due to social media, many younger people report feeling a profound sense of loneliness. Social media is an interesting co-conspirator. Even though many teens or 20-somethings have hundreds—or, in some cases, thousands—of Facebook friends, Snapchat friends, or Instagram followers, those platforms do not facilitate the building of authentic, meaningful community.

It is fascinating to note that increased social media activity actually seems to correlate with an increase in felt loneliness. If you haven't watched the documentary called The Social Dilemma, I can't recommend it any more highly.

For the elderly, loneliness is an on-going and very real problem.

But this post is not about the epidemic of loneliness in general. This post is about the strange sort of loneliness that is often experienced by leaders.

Because leaders are at the top of the hierarchical pecking order in their organizations, they face an age-old question. Where will they turn to find someone who will consistently and objectively listen, and who is trained to help them sort through their thinking on topics or issues that perhaps should not be discussed with those in their chain of command? Where will they turn when sensing a need for help in some other area of life? With whom can they risk being vulnerable?

Of course, CEOs and other leaders often meet with peers who hold similar positions in other companies—and this can be good. Many leaders also have mentors or are part of a cohort with others in similar roles. These things, too, are good. Therapy can play a huge role in a person's life. But just as a coach is not trained to help you sort through mental health issues, a therapist's job is not necessarily to help you sort through business decisions or areas of personal growth outside of mental health.

So while mentors, therapists, and peer networks are important, the role that coaches can play in a leader's life is unique.

Coaches provide a trait that is all too rare in the lives of leaders: an objective ear that is committed to listening (and to the leader's success) while employing specialized training designed to help facilitate real change.

Coaching is about personal growth and development. And often, leaders are hesitant to talk openly with direct reports (or their Boards!) about areas of struggle or areas where they may feel poorly equipped to lead. They are equally unlikely to open up with subordinates about ways they'd like to grow in other parts of their lives. And C-level executives are fairly unlikely to be vulnerable with peers from other companies.

So can coaching help you, if you feel the all-too-typical lack of outlets with whom you can discuss what is really going on in your professional or personal world?

In a word, absolutely.

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