Help! I'm Feeling Overwhelmed

A more and more frequent comment I hear from leaders today is “I’m overwhelmed.” Every leader is confronted with the reality of navigating through challenging times that leave us feeling uncertain, confused or disoriented. We face the pandemic, geo-political issues, political divisions, family and marriage challenges, emotional strains, health challenges, work challenges, technology and information overload. Partly due to the “tools” in our hand, we are overwhelmed by the mountain of information and we simply can’t keep up.

2 Factors That Cause Overwhelm

External Overwhelm: Other people want our time. We see this in the volume of texts we receive, social media inputs, demands of our job, family responsibilities, pursuing work and family “balance,” invitations to help in our communities, and more.

Internal Overwhelm: We over function. We think we need to do more than we actually do to meet others’ needs, others’ perceived expectations, and our own expectations, dreams and desires. We live in comparison to others’ lives and our own ideal life. This pressure is coming from within us and we need to own that.

For many leaders there is a Performance mindset- to push harder, run faster etc. Trying to do the best you can and succeed is fine, but there is an unhealthy side to that. It can cause the internal need to please and show up even when you are depleted, and that can also cause internal overwhelm.

Overwhelm Options

1. You do nothing and continue to live in constant overwhelm, hoping the season ends, trying to get to the spinning plates before they crash.

2. You hold on for the weekend or go on vacation and hope that they have gone away or changed upon your return.

3. The plates or you eventually crash, due to fatigue and being drained.

4. You find a strategy to cope with the feelings and reality.

When Clarity Goes Up Overwhelm Goes Down

Let’s further consider option four. Where do you need more clarity? Consider this contrast. Clarity works in opposition to overwhelm. As overwhelm goes up, clarity goes down. It works in the inverse as well; as clarity goes up overwhelm goes down which allows you to gain a clearer picture of how to take the next steps forward.

Sounds simple, but it's not that easy. It's hard to remember to fight for clarity when your mind and or life is spinning in a hundred different directions. Today, are you willing to fight for clarity? Do you want to experience a change? If you are overwhelmed, if you fight for clarity, (and you need to do this as it just doesn’t happen), you will see the overwhelm go down. There is no guarantee on the percentage of how much, but it will go down.

Starting Point

First, what clarity isn’t. Clarity is not Certainty. It is not a roadmap and knowing everything you will do in the next 10 yrs. or a 10 step plan that resolves the issue completely.

Clarity is not getting laser focused all at one time, or seeing the total solution to a problem.

Imagine you have a set of binoculars in your hand where you can see the object in the distance that you want to get a better picture of. You initially put them to your face, and you can’t see anything, your eyes feel pressure. Then you remember that they are created with a focus, and you can slowly bring that scene into focus and see what you are looking at better. That is what we are talking about here in gaining clarity; focus and a lack of focus.

A Coaching Perspective

So how can we take the picture of our external and internal pressures and find more clarity/greater focus? In order to find answers, you need to ask questions, and you also need to have margin.

Having margin for self-reflection on both the questions and the answers, is key. You need time to reflect, consider, and to look back and be curious about something. You need time to take a break to refocus on your priorities.

Helpful questions

If you are feeling overwhelmed in some area…think about that. What is it that is on your mind? What specific aspect, area or task in your life has you feeling overwhelmed right now? Where do you need clarity right now as it relates to the issue you are overwhelmed with?

What is the issue below this issue? Think of the task or area you’re struggling with that is overwhelming. Maybe you are struggling with things you can’t get done. Ask yourself, what is the issue below that issue? Maybe you are afraid to disappoint people, so you over commit. In this case, the external has affected the internal and you are writing checks with your time you simply cannot cash.

Another way to ask that is to ask Why. Why am I so overwhelmed, (and have 74 tasks on my list each week?) You need to be honest with yourself and also potentially have this conversation with someone else to gain an outside perspective.

Think about the above questions and then take time to pause and reflect on your answers to them. Take 5 min right now and do this. Our hope is that this isn’t just more content without application.

Practical Next Steps

Look for Movement; not the final fix. Pursue and determine your Direction over your Destination. Start moving in the right direction. If there are tasks you don’t know how to do, take the task and break it down into “my next step”, ie., smaller pieces. For example; in order to buy a home, you would likely need to find an agent, and before that, begin to ask others for a referral.

Move in the right direction or you will stay stuck and continue in the overwhelm spiral where your “tires” are spinning faster and where you don’t gain traction. In overwhelm, we become reactive. We lose the big picture. So slow down, and ask what must be true to take my next step and what is one next step? Get really specific to gain clarity in the thing that is causing you overwhelm.

Pause

Don’t just move on to the next task etc. Write it down, and commit to it. It is important get clarity in order to take the next right steps!

When you take that step you get a different view and you often realize you can take another step. Discern your steps in the right direction and start taking them. This creates confidence and momentum.

Don’t dwell on thinking about the whole thing, or the ultimate destination. Remember, the journey is lived one step at a time, one mile at a time. Little steps compounded over time will make a huge difference.

A Few Final Ideas to Consider

Name things: there is power in naming things.

Name emotions: I am feeling ______ because ________

Name losses and wins: I need to grieve…. I need to celebrate….

Name tensions: I’m feeling pulled between _______ and _______

Get input from someone objective

Seek wisdom from a coach or a mentor. Run thoughts from a close friend or your spouse past someone else; it's hard for them to stay objective towards you.

I hope this helps the process of you getting healthy and reaching sustainable impact.

Thanks to Alan Briggs and Jonathan Collier at the Right-side up Leadership Podcast for prompting these thoughts.